First we have to acknowledge the great news. It's great news for you and me and all of America, frankly. Yes. Larry Kudlow is back. He didn't think we could do it. But there you are. It took months of hard work. Lots of hot tubs. But he's here. I'm not proud of some of the things I had to do in that tub, Larry, but I'll do whatever it takes.
Also side note, al Qaeda leader al-Zawahri was killed. You're sick. He was just 71 years young. His remains will be cremated and spread over his already cremated remains. And to think he just finished paying off his women's studies degree.
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We went to his family for comment. Goats walking video Uh. That's terrible. Show the guy some respect. Let's go to his real family. Pigs eating video. You know, that's even worse. You know how those guys hate pork? Oh, it's the other white meat they despise. No wonder he became a terrorist. At least he didn't get into stripping. Because once the robe comes off, it's just ankle socks. Oh, don't ask me how I know.
So when I first heard the news, I have to say I was a little confused. And no, that's not a quote from the president. First, I had not heard that name in a while – like Chris Wallace, but it was a name I literally heard or wrote about every day for a period of years after 9/11. But for some reason, we stopped hearing about him and also stopped talking much about Islamic terror, especially after Trump got in. Remember ISIS and those videos? We should. That was bad.
So when the news broke yesterday during The Five, it was if my terror muscles were flabby, I hadn't used them in so long. Unlike my actual quads that won a blue ribbon at that wine festival. Thanks Larry for taking me.
But the terror muscles, they were rusty. I imagine it's how The View panelists feel about their brains. But I realized I needed to get back in shape quick. The killing is a helpful reminder that terror, like smallpox and Chris Cuomo, never really goes away, especially when 9/11 plotters have assistance like the Taliban.
I had no idea he was in Afghanistan hanging with the Taliban and not in a good way at the end of a rope. But turns out he was staying at a house apparently belonging to Afghan deputy interior minister and New York Times contributor Sirajuddin Haqqani. And it's not a bad place to die. You know, it's amazing what you can get from Airbnb, although I don't think the owner will be too happy about the condition the guest left the place in. That cleaning bill is going to suck. How do you get bone matter out of the formica? Oh I know. Too soon, right?
But take a look. The place had a balcony, it had great views. And now, thanks to a Hellfire missile, it's got an open-air kitchen. But, with 72 virgins cooking in it. Yeah. He'll wish he had died and gone to heaven. But let's show a picture of the dead guy. Yep. That's definitely al-Zawahri. Or as Merrick Garland calls him, a white supremacist. If you'll notice, his red hat is under the turban.
Of course, this raises some questions. Is Afghanistan going back to being a base of operations of terrorists? Seems so. Which means like J.Lo and Ben Affleck, al Qaeda and the Taliban are reunited and feel so bad. I'm just a little nervous. We whack this guy and meanwhile, thanks to the Joe's open borders policy, there have been confirmed reports of anywhere from 50 to 100 people on the terror watch list unaccounted for in our country right now.
But still, this is good news that we killed him because it means we can pick off the people we need to pick off without waging full blown wars. And any day when a terrorist dies is a good day in my book. Of course, when you kill a terrorist, another one takes its place. You know, in a way, it's just like canceled late night talk shows. One flop and there are three worse ones waiting in the wings. You didn't think I could make that analogy, did you? But I did. And that's why I get paid the big bucks.
Now, some people don't want to credit Biden since, after all, he said al Qaeda was no threat in Afghanistan.
PRESIDENT BIDEN: What interest do we have in Afghanistan at this point? With al Qaeda gone? We went to Afghanistan for the express purpose of getting rid of al Qaeda in Afghanistan as well as well as getting Usama bin Laden. And we did.
So, like my aunt who eats plastic army men, Biden's claims have not aged well. It appears al Qaeda was there and were active and out in the open like a cold sore on a spring breakers lip. I hope it was a cold sore, not monkeypox. By the way, what was I doing with her? And I think we can be skeptical about how much Biden really knew about any of this. Since, like a rare mushroom, he's kept in the dark on everything. He's basically living in a nonstop blackout. Like son. Like father.
For him every day starts out as a blank slate and someone comes in and adds the daily specials. I guess what I'm trying to say is his brains are creamed spinach and corn chowder. And remember, this guy did take a victory lap after we got bin Laden after saying he was against taking him out. That's like me taking credit for Taylor Swift’s success when I had nothing to do with it. I mean, true, we dated and everything. And her biggest hit, Shake It Off, was about me stubbing my toe on her bedpost. But unlike her, I'll leave the dirty laundry to Kat’s office.
But still, when bad things happen under a president. They get the blame. And when good things happen under a president, they get the credit. The problem with Joe, however, is he won't take the responsibility for the disasters. So it's hard for me to give him a slap on the back over this. But what the hell I will anyway. Nice one, Joe. But really, it's our American forces who get the accolades. It's the players who win the World Series, not the manager, especially one who can't find his way out of the locker room.
So, job well done, guys and gals. You sent a hellish monster straight to hell in tiny little packages. I wish it could have been sooner, but I say that about everything, including 2024.
